She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
