I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
