There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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