btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
