will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
