please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize