come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
