That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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