My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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