what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mom said you looked used
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pants are for mortals
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The Olympian is in my bed
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
