Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
