I'm going to jail i love you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want to make out with him forever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
