OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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