he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
