he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
