; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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