I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
