can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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