Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
