textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
