THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm passing your future prison.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
