We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
