Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
