Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Congratulations! We have a period
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
