it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
