That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
