i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
