I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
