He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
