I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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