clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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