I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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