were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
