I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
