I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
bring money and cleavage
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I could fuck to npr.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
