she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
