how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize