I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
