I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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