the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
