You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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