Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Houston, we have a squirter
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
