Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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