btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
