if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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