Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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