Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
