Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
