Swine flu. Run for my life!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
