I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
