You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize