I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
