I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
These tits shall not be calmed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Someone signed my nipple.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
