First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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