Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
