I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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