I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
