I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
