Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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