ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
