Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
