the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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