I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
