your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize