My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
