she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
