We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize