Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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