does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
