I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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